How Pattaya Bar Girls Manipulate Men – What They Say vs. What They Really Think
Pattaya has long been the world capital of the sex industry. The main actors in this 'play' are freelance girls, street hookers, massage girls and bar girls. Through these girls, large amounts of money keep flowing from foreigner men to Pattaya. But how do bar girls make men send money? This article explains how Pattaya Bar girls manipulate men. What they typically say vs. what they really think when talking to you.
Pattaya's Sex Industry and Bar Girls
From Pattaya-North till Jomtien, hundred thousands of people and almost all businesses make their income directly or indirectly through the sex industry. Hotels, Taxi drivers, food shops, restaurants, bars and clubs profit from millions of foreigners who mainly come to Pattaya to have sex with a girl. Pattaya's sex industry is an Eco-system that has evolved since the Vietnam war era. On top of the food chain are bar girls, freelancers, street hookers and massage girls.
These girls not only get paid in exchange for sex, but also they turn many men into cash cows who take their girls to shopping, eating, drinking and traveling. These girls' ultimate goal is to turn a short-time customer, who only pays for an hour of sex, into a long-term sponsor boyfriend that sends her money like a salary and pays her bills.
Often she will come up with an additional request for financial help, when a family member is sick or when she 'lost her money' and needs help. In return for all these payments, he gets the illusion of a loyal girlfriend and intimacy. The emphasis here is on 'illusion'. Many bar girls make their so called boyfriends believe that they are in a real relationship and that paying her is normal in Thai culture.
Due to ignorance, and a language & cultural barrier, foreigner guys don't realize that these bar girls have the lowest status in Thai society. It should be noted that regular middle class Bangkok citizens avoid any kind of interaction with these girls. Also bar girls themselves often don't realize that they are living within the prostitution bubble of Pattaya.
As most of their social environment in Pattaya is more or less involved in the sex industry, sex for money is a totally normal thing. To them, working as a prostitute is a career choice. It is honest work, while working as a clerk, seller or an office job is wasted time and slavery. Consequently, a man has no value if she can't benefit from him financially.
How Pattaya Bar Girls interact with Foreign Men
Over decades, a common understanding of "best practices" on how to interact and what to say to foreign men has been established among bar girls. This seems to be a result of an ongoing process of trial-and-error in dealing with western men. As if most girls learned from the same text book on how to talk to potential customers/sponsors, they keep saying similar things, behave and react in a similar manner when dealing with foreign men.
Initial phase of a conversation with a bar girl
Like perfectly adapted creatures in wild nature, bar girls learned to improvise, adapt and overcome obstacles. For instance, when spotting a new guy, she will start immediately to ask typical questions to evaluate him with regard to: level of stupidity, willingness to pay, financial status, experience with Pattaya girls, his ability to assert himself, kindness, sense of humor and general attitute.
"Where you come from?"
This is the classical opener. She doesn't really care about his culture or where comes from. However, these girls know that men from certain countries are more entertaining, treat the girls better, are more easy-going or are more willing to pay her.
"You come first time Pattaya?"
Through this question she gets to know if he is a newbie, whether he has any experience with Pattaya girls and whether he is already aware of the fact that he has many choices in Pattaya. First timers are easier to manipulate and more likely to stick with the first girls they meet. This is a habit which is purely due to the lack of choices (regarding women) these men have in their home country. They simply can't believe this hot girl is interested in them and don't want miss this opportunity.
"How long you stay in Thailand?"
This tells her if he is a tourist or an expat. Expats usually know about important aspects such as prices, they usually have enough time to find regular girls, such that they are less willing to pay and less "in need" for a girl. Some bar girls quit the conversation as soon as they find out that he is living and working in Thailand as it is less likely that he will become a sponsor due to the fact that he has more choices.
Other girls might see this rather positive, since he is accustomed with Thai culture so that they have more things in common and more topics to talk. Yes, Pattaya bar girls are also interested in fun conversation.
"What you work?"
She most likely doesn't care about what is so special about your work. Rather, this tells her how well you earn. If, for example, a guy shows off telling her what big deal of a manager he is or how big the company is he owns, she will expect him to pay more. In contrast, she will expect less from a student.
"I think you are butterfly"
This term is widely used in Pattaya, meaning that he is a playboy and has many girls. Flying like a butterfly from one girl to another. If he admits and says yes, she will know he that he just wants fun and doesn't care about an emotional bond. Sex with him will be a pure transaction. Mechanic, less a girlfriend experience for both. She will get her money, while he will get sexual satisfaction. If he says no, there is more of a chance to create an emotional bond which might lead to a relationship with sponsorship and "take care".
He might get a girlfriend sex experience, while she gets both money and an emotional bond to him. Good advice is to say "no, I am no butterfly", in order to keep her interested. Thus, a girlfriend-like sexual experience is more likely.
"You like my friend?"
In some cases the girl will turn to her friend and whisper something in her ear. Then, the friend will turn to him and ask him: "You like my friend?". This implies that she had enough conversation and wants to make sure that he is willing to take her to his room. Even if he is not interested in taking her at this point, he will say yes, out of courtesy.
What follows then is: "You want to go room with she?". Basically, at this point, they push him to make a decision, so as not to waste more of her time. This can be really annoying because it's none of her business. If he says okay, she'll continue to talk to him and eventually go to his place whenever he is ready. However, if he declines, she will stop talking to him right away, unless she really likes him or, sees a friend in him. In such a situation, you can avoid her friend's question by simply replying (with a smile): "Why you ask me? I want talk to her (the girl you are interested in), not to you. I am shy."
"How much you can pay me?"
She asks him how much he is willing to pay her, before telling him what she expects. This way, many men tend to offer a higher rate so as not to appear stingy or poor. Especially after he bragged so much about his job or his money. Also, Pattaya newbies often tend to offer a higher than average price in such a situation due to their lack of knowledge.
As a general rule for Pattaya, never pay more than 1500 THb for longtime. Many girls go for 1000, if you are a bit social and fun to talk with.
After the introduction
After the introduction phase she will categorize him and adapt to the situation accordingly. Her approach, attitude, demands and behavior will be adjusted to the situation and personality of this man.
"He Good Man"
If he is a too kind, naive Pattaya newbie without experience with bar girls, who seeks emotional intimacy from a woman, she will regard him as a perfect prey. This guy is someone who she describes as "he good man". He has the highest potential to be turned into a cash cow. After spending a night with him, she will create an emotional bond to him, by giving him the attention and warmth from a woman that he doesn't get in his country.
She will make jokes and also flatter him. She will say things like: "You handsome man". If he is a young, well shaped man, she probably says the truth. But if he is old, obese or not attractive in any way, she'll just say it to make him feel special. If he is naive enough, he will fall for these words.
"You know too much"
She will tell this phrase to a man who knows basic Thai, knows about Thai customs and also about characteristics of Pattaya bar girls. He has heard similar stories before and confronts her with her bullshit in a mocking, teasing manner. She realizes that he won't be more than a one-time customer. Probably he won't even be willing to pay tourist prices.
"I miss you"
These phrases will start a few hours after she left his room. Translation: It was nice to be with you and I am happy that I got my payment. I hope you will take my services again. The process to turn him into a sponsor boyfriend has officially started.
"I love you"
This is what she will text him after one or more nights spent together. She doesn't love him, but what she means is that she had a pleasant time with him and that she wants him to be her customer again. Further, she hopes that he will be her sponsor in future.
In case he says that he loves her too, she will have chances to turn him into a sponsor who will "take care her" of her. Thus, at some later point she can say: "You say you love me, but you no take care me". You will be well advised to simply ignore these empty phrases. A smiley 🙂 back is enough here.
"U want see me" \ "I want to see you again"
Same like "I miss you". Emphasis here on: I want to spend more nights with you. What that means is that she will ask him to come to her bar, pay her and the bar fine for another night again. Or, if she is a freelancer, to pay her again for a long-time.
What it does NOT mean: She asks him to see her again, but for free, because she really likes him and wants to see him. If he asks for a free treatment, she will tell him stories that she has no other income and needs to take care of her family. Also here: The process to turn him into a sponsor boyfriend has officially started.
After Seeing her more than two times
"I want stop work bar, I want only you, but I need take care family"
She tests if you are willing to take care of her financially. He puts you in a dilemma: Not pay her a salary, but accept the fact that she (your new love) will keep prostitute herself at the bar. Or, be her generous knight on a white horse ( become her sponsor), so she can keep away from the bar, be loyal to you and provide for her family. What you should know is that in most cases of long distance relationships, she will continue working there even though her sponsor is paying her. Doubling the income, so to say.
"I have boyfriend, but I like/love you"
True, she has a boyfriend (sponsor), or even more than one. She wants to add you to her list of sponsors. She indirectly tells you that she will leave her current boyfriend for you, under the condition that you sponsor her. What you don't know is that she will keep him, no matter how much you pay her. Her boyfriend unknowingly pays for the illusion of a loyal girlfriend who gives him sex and emotional intimacy.
But she will keep looking for more sponsors, because she will most-likely have prostitute friends who have more boyfriends (sponsors) too. The more sponsors, the higher her social status among her prostitute circle of friends. So she will have a backup man and more income. Of course, it needs to be a long distance relationship, so as not to be bothered too often. In this situation men should ask themselves why she doesn't pursue a regular job then.
"I want stop bar, but no have work"
She tells him that she doesn't want to work as a prostitute anymore. This might be true. However, she can easily find a regular job. There are plenty. But she doesn't want to accept a low paid regular job such as a 7-11 clerk. After many years of easy money and relative freedom as freelance girl or bar girl, it is hard to go back to a regular job.
Especially, while your prostitute friends work less, but make your monthly salary only within a few days. Naturally she expects you to take care of her, so that she doesn't need to work in a regular job.
"I not want your money, I want you are good boyfriend"
These type of bar girls, freelance girls really want to quit their prostitute life. They look for a real boyfriend and emotional bond. But the problem here is that many sex workers have a baby or a family that they need to provide for. These girls will have a regular job while living with you as your partner. However, you will be the one who will pay the rent, bills, dinner and other mutual expenses.
Her salary from her regular job will go to her family. She might envy her prostitute friends who have a generous sponsor and expect you to take her to shopping or give her some money sometimes. Stay strong and say 'no' if you don't want this to become a habit. In case someone in her family gets sick, you will be the first person she will ask for financial help.
In a relationship with a Bar Girl
"He playboy, he no good man"
What she means is that he is not eating her stories anymore. She is complaining about her ex-sponsor who realized that she lied to him and knows he has more options. He probably had enough of her laziness and excuses and left her.
"You not take care me"
Talking about a man that she is close with. He treats her like a boyfriend (emotionally), yet doesn't pay her bills or doesn't give her a salary. She thinks that it is her natural right to get paid in return for being his girlfriend. "Take care" is a widely used phrase among Pattaya girls, that mainly implies taking care of a girl financially, rather than affection and attention.
She is complaining that she couldn't turn him into a sponsor. At this point, her friend (prostitute colleague) will advice her to leave him or find a sponsor in addition to the present boyfriend.
"He just friend / He boyfriend of sister"
"He just friend" - This is the answer a sponsor boyfriends gets when he is suspicious in the loyalty of his girlfriend and confronts her. If she gets caught while flirting with other men, sending sweet messages, dancing, drinking or shopping with him, she will keep denying that she is cheating. This excuse is not true in most cases. In Pattaya bar girls' logic there are three choices men can be to her: Boyfriend (Sponsor), customer and friend. However, "friend" is another word for lover, one-night stand or fuck-buddy. But just friends who share interests, have an intellectual debate or go to cultural activities together? No way.
If he still doesn't believe her, she will tell him: "He boyfriend of sister". She will claim this guy is the boyfriend of her sister (friend). They have an argument and she just wants to intermediate and solve the issue between them. her 'sister' will back up this story, of course.
In case she gets caught in a situation that is too obvious, such as kissing or while walking home with a guy, she will come up with accusations. For example, she will blame her boyfriend for not he taking care of her enough (not giving her enough money): "You not take care me". Or, she will blame him for being unfaithful, too: "You butterfly same same, you have many lady".
"Last night I forget phone in room/ my battery die"
After her boyfriend couldn't reach her the whole evening/night, he is worried and asks why the hell she didn't respond. She'll claim that she had forgotten her phone at her place or, her cell phone battery died. The first excuse is impossible to be true. Bar girls are addicted to their phone and have it constantly in their hand. If she's out without her phone, she most-likely will go back to pick it up. Rather, it's more likely that she was with another guy and didn't want to be bothered.
Low battery? Possible, but usually these girls have a power bank in their bag. So you can rule out this possibility as well. Chances are high that she was with another guy.
"I go home for visit family. Maybe cannot call because signal not good. You no worry na"
Thailand has better cell phone coverage than many Western countries. Even on the countryside. Face it, she is going to be with her other lover/sponsor/customer/boyfriend and makes sure you won't bother her during that period. By feeding you with this lie, she makes sure that you don't get suspicious when she doesn't reply.
"My x is sick"
'x' can be her parents, grandparents, her child, her siblings or even her family's buffalo back in her hometown. It might be even true. Either way she is trying to arouse feelings of pity and compassion in him. She hopes that he will get soft and decides help her financially to pay the hospital bills. If he doesn't help her, she will say: "He not take care me" or "I not want work bar, but I need to take care family".
"Me have pom-plem"
"I have a problem". Equal to "I need money. Can you please help me?". You should be aware that 'help' in Pattaya means giving money - not borrowing. Pattaya girls are like a black holes. Money flows only in one direction. Once she receives money, don't expect to get it back.
"You can help me?"
Similar to"Me have pom-plem". But here, she asks directly for financial support, a donation or tip.
"Teerak, I want open business"
She wants to use your money to open a business, while she will not carry any financial risk. Since she is not using her own money, she probably won't put enough effort in it. Later, if her laziness and bad habits prevail, this business will have to shut down. You might lose all your money you invested.
Online chat with Pattaya girls
"Where you live"
This is supposed to be a question. Many Pattaya bar girls don't care about proper way of asking a question. Correct grammar and question marks are too much of an effort and time consuming. Thus, sentences are kept as simple and as short as possible.
What she wants to know is, where the man she is texting with is right now. This is a typical first message that men get when starting a chat with Pattaya prostitutes. She just wants to make sure that she is not wasting time talking to this guy. If he is not in Pattaya, it is unlikely that he will take her sexual services and she will quit conversation with him.
"What you looking for"
Again, this is supposed to be a question. She wants to know whether he is looking for sex with a prostitute. This line comes up in the early stages of a chat. She wants to make sure that she is not wasting time with a man who is looking for a regular girl, dating etc.
Other typical phrases
In most cases, not a real sibling, but her older friend or older prostitute colleague. In Thai language, older people (even by a few years) are referred to as "pee", which translates to older brother, or older sister. Since many bar girls don't bother to know the subtleties of English language or educate themselves in any way, they just translate it as "sister", which can lead to confusion among foreigners. The girl doesn't intent to lie here, she just translates it wrong.
"He make me headache"
She is complaining about her guy or customer. He asks too many questions, they had an argument or probably he complained too much about her. Maybe he got suspicious of something and confronted her thus, causing her a headache.
"He old man but he good take care"
Similar to "He good man". She means that he is a moron that keeps sending her money. She is not really in love with him, but gives him that feeling. She implies that he is old and not attractive. But she stays with him as long as he keeps sending her money.
She says that you have a high libido and can maintain an erection easier and longer than what she is used to.
"I go eat/party with my friend. You want come too?"
She is inviting you to treat her that night in the club or restaurant. Equal to "Will you party with us and pay all my drinks as well as my friend's drinks?" and "Take us to a restaurant and take care of the bill".
"My home" vs. "my room"
With "home" she means her family's house in her hometown, while room is her apartment, dorm or condo in Pattaya.
"I don't like Thai men"
Equal to: "I prefer foreigners, because local men are less willing to accept my laziness and requests for financial help". Also she says that because she might be frustrated that she only gets the attention of poorer, low class local men. Middle or upper class Thai men would never consider a relationship with a tan skinned Pattaya bar girl. In contrast, she can get the attention of middle and higher class foreign men easily. Consequently, she only goes for foreign men.
"Where you go? / What you want?"
Also known as "Where are you going?" and "What do you want", respectively. Another example showing the fact that in the daily interactions of prostitutes with men, learning/speaking proper English is not worth the effort. Men will come anyway, regardless of the quality of conversation. Thus, a direct translation from Thai to English suffices. Who cares about grammar mistakes, this is bar girl English.
In conclusion, we can say that bar girls, freelancers and other prostitutes in Pattaya have a main goal. They want to have you on the hook as a supporter/sponsor. You eventually become their financial asset. In return, she gives you the illusion of a sincere relationship with a faithful, good girlfriend. However, at the same time, these girls have multiple other sponsors as well. Often they brag about it between each other. That girl who has the most sponsors, while doing a minimum effort has the highest status in bar girl circles. All her friends will envy her.
To do so, Pattaya girls walk the path of least resistance. It's like all these girls follow a blueprint master-plan. Over decades, certain practices in treating and manipulating men have proved effective. These practices are passed on from veteran prostitutes to their newbie prostitute friends who just joined this business.
With minimal thinking effort, step by step, they create an emotional bond to their men. They make their men feel special by giving them the sexual satisfaction, warmth, compliments, emotional intimacy, femininity and attention that these men don't get from women in their home country.
The girls mostly have no education and come from the bottom of the society. Thus, they don't bother with intellectual, in-depth conversation with their man. Otherwise, they would have to educate themselves, become more intellectually curious and improve their English. That's too much effort. It's better to hide behind the language and cultural barrier and keep conversation limited and simple. Thus, they prefer men who have a poor judgement, are naive, believe only in the good in people, are far too generous, thoughtful and easy to be manipulated. Also, long distance relationships are preferred, for she can manage multiple sponsor boyfriends then.
Many girls have multiple Facebook, IG and Line accounts, multiple phones for each sponsor (of course, he bought it). If he gets suspicious, she will deny it, make up a story and her 'sister' will cover her story.
Finding a way to get out of the sex business is another reason why many Pattaya girls try to be in a relationship with foreign men. They hope that he will provide for her and her family. She might really like him, but as soon as he stops supporting her, she will leave him.
As a general advice, never be in a long distance relationship with a girl who is or was involved in Pattaya's sex business. It will be emotionally intoxicating and a financial burden. You will be deceived by lies, by endless requests for financial support and on top of that she will most likely have other sponsors and lovers.
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